This girl is more easily done than said...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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