just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
