my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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