i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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