we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
