My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
