My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
