I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
