how can u be prego again
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
