Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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