Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
