It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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