i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
