"it" just moved
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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