i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
