Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
