that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
