last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
