I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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