my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
