You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
