4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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