In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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