At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just invented taco cereal.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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