Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
