Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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