bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
