She is in my trunk
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
