i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
