my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
