so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i now understand why vodka
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
