Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
