listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize