We're facebook friends in real life
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
