Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
