someone get that fucking seahorse.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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