hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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