My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
