A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
