I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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