The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
