dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We need to get me chipped asap
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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