In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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