Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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