I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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