I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
