I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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