Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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