Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
