My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
