i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
