i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
