I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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