What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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