My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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