This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
