On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
