for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
