If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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