So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
