what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
