Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You are a genius and a whore.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
