you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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