Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize