i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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