I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize