I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
