I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
