Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
