I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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