I want to walk on stilts...naked
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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