Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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